I was listening to Limbaugh again today. I'm surprised I hadn't come to this before now, but today it dawned on me... Do you realize how much of a paranoid conspiracist one needs to be to count yourself as a Republican?
I'm not even talking about the obvious stuff. There's a significant minority of Republicans (they call themselves the "responsible" ones) that don't subscribe to birther conspiracies or the "OMG! OMG! OMG! The United Nations is going to force us all to take vaccinations that will make it easier for them to herd us all into internment camps" garbage.
Nor am I talking about the Trilateral Commission, Bilderbergers, 9/11 Truther, Skull and Bones, or Bohemian Grove stuff either. That stuff crosses party lines.
No... I'm talking about virtually every "main-stream" Republican issue position...
To be a Republican in good standing, you are required to believe:
- The world's economy was destroyed by irresponsible minorities that cheated bankers by taking on unaffordable mortgages. Barney Frank and Chris Dodd made them do it. And Democrats, by passing undue regulation in the form of the Community Reinvestment Act in the late 1970's, forced bankers to give minority borrowers whatever they wanted. (Of course, not a single banker has come forward to make that case... nobody has produced a single example of a CRA-mandated bad loan...)
- Thousands of scientists have conspired with the media and power-hungry bureaucrats in government to manufacture climate science
- The NTSB made up data about the dangers of cell phone use while driving in an effort to increase the reach of government
- Scientists, the media and Democratic politicians conspired to manufacture "science," and distribute the produced fiction all so that Barbara Boxer could go to the Senate floor and attack polluting fossil-fuel burning power plants
- Notwithstanding research that demonstrates otherwise, sexual orientation is a choice. Anyone that says different is trying to turn your kids gay. Of course, public schools (and teachers) are a big part of this initiative - that's what all this tolerance and anti-bullying stuff is all about.
- Democratic politicians want the economy to fail so that more people are dependent on government. It makes perfect sense, you see... If you can't find a job, you have to collect unemployment, and/or welfare, and/or food stamps. And if you are on the dole, you'll vote for your sugar-daddies.
- If ACORN hadn't stolen teh election, there's no way Obama would have taken the White House. Restrictive voter-ID laws are required.
- The stimulus - which was 1/3 tax cuts (as a sop to Republicans) and 1/3 aid to the states (another Republican idea) - was actually a well-designed money-laundering operation. The portion of the stimulus that went to the states preserved... wait for it... municipal union jobs. And of course, these unions, coffers flush with dues, returned that tax-payer money to the Democratic Party.
- Notwithstanding all evidence to the contrary - including the last decade of Bush tax cuts - the path to a balanced budget and a sound economy involves reducing the tax burden on millionaires and billionaires.
These are just a few of the things that constitute "common knowledge" among Republicans. This isn't fringe: attend any Republican townhall and listen to the Q&A. You're sure to hear constituents expressing these exact concerns and their elected Republican leaders legitimizing (exploiting) their anxieties.
Look: 9/11 Truthers, Kennedy buffs, UFO researchers, and all the assorted "conspiracists" are mostly greeted with eye-rolls, sniggers and contempt.
But these fantastic Republican conspiracies are at least as contorted and ridiculous as anything you hear on late-night radio. What's more, they are transparently self-serving.
So why does anyone take them seriously?
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